Keeping your relationships healthy is an important part of keeping your career healthy. How are you doing in your relationships. Here are 50 questions that will help you see…
From Chad Missildine at The Way it Could Be.
By Chad: I’ve been a husband for eight short years; a father for three. In this short span of time, I’ve figured out some great ways to “blow it” as a husband & father! A lot of the items on the below list I’ve done on my own, so my intent isn’t to discourage husbands or dads. Instead, the goal is to list behaviors & attitudes that are sure to send any guy down the wrong path. To join me & imperfect men around the world, be sure to work your way through this list of 50 Ways to Blow It As a Husband and/or Father:
1. Achieve success at work this week and drop the ball at home.
2. Don’t ever think intentionally about what you could do to be a better husband or dad.
3. Buy things that your family doesn’t really need, then work a lot more to make up for it.
4. Go into debt. If you are already in debt, go into more debt.
5. Stay in debt and don’t try to get out or believe you can get out.
6. Don’t ever figure out your personal values in life and how these may affect how you lead your family.
7. Hold on to your past forever and let it negatively affect your relationships with your family.
8. Don’t develop healthy relationships with other men who can encourage you and support you.
9. Be a loner.
10. Blame society for your shortcomings and don’t take personal responsibility.
11. Lead your family into the same patterns of blaming society.
12. Justify everything you are doing that you know is holding you back in life.
13. Don’t take your family to church. Choose instead to not focus on spiritual priorities.
14. Talk badly about people in front of your family and teach them to do the same.
15. Say certain things to your family often, then don’t ever back them up with your actions.
16. Raise your voice all the time. This will get you a ton of respect!
17. Don’t listen.
18. Don’t engage.
19. Don’t ask questions.
20. Don’t go on dates with your wife.
21. Don’t take care of your body.
22. Don’t save any money. Live way beyond your means instead.
23. Don’t create any memories with your family, just space out when you get home.
24. Don’t seek out help when you know you need it.
25. Check out women other than your wife. Try to do this everyday.
26. Put your kids’ needs before the needs of your spouse, this will ensure that your marriage eventually suffers.
27. Try not to contribute to your community in any way. Make life all about you instead.
28. Don’t take care of your finances.
29. Don’t pray with your kids.
30. Leave spiritual leadership up to your spouse.
31. Leave spiritual leadership up to your church.
32. Blame your church for everything and don’t take responsibility as a husband or father.
33. Care more about 20 yr olds playing with a ball (sports) than about your 2 yr old at home.
34. Don’t ever encourage. Complain instead about everything.
35. Don’t talk to your spouse about the health of your marriage.
36. Drink a ton of alcohol, and drink it often. This will make your problems and stress go away.
37. Disrespect your wife in public, this will really help her grow in confidence.
38. Have an affair with Facebook or Twitter.
39. Have an emotional affair with another woman at work.
40. Have a physical affair with another woman or a man.
41. Look at porn or anything that arouses you.
42. Work all the time and come home and give nothing to your family.
43. Don’t read to your little kids.
44. Don’t talk to your older kids.
45. Love business more than anything in life.
46. Don’t read or do anything to grow personally or spiritually.
47. Don’t ever help your wife around the house.
48. Don’t ever pick up after yourself, treat your spouse instead like your mother or maid.
49. Don’t dream with your spouse.
50. Don’t forgive yourself for not being perfect. Carry this weight with you always. Don’t let God heal you and change you.
Like me, chances are you’ve already blown it. You read this list and realize you are pretty good at many of the things on it. Listen….Don’t give up! We all have fallen short of who we are supposed to be!
Here are a few practical steps you can take this week to make a change:
1. Ask for forgiveness- from God, from your spouse, your kids if you have them. Pray for a change in your heart and in your life. Then forgive yourself!
2. Go through this list and find 3 ways you can improve this week as a husband and/or father.
3. Take the 3 items from above and write down the opposite (Don’t ever help around the house becomes, help out around the house every day).
4. For each item, write out 1-2 actions steps you can take to make a change (“I will start making the bed every day, helping with the dishes every night”).
5. Then, tell someone what you are doing and ask them to hold you accountable (“Billy Bob, here is my list of 3 things I’m doing this week to grow as a husband/father, will you ask me in a week if I followed through?”).
6. Set a time to check back with them in a week to see how things are going. (“Can week visit for 10 minutes Thursday night at 8pm,” or “Will you text me Friday to ask me how I’m doing?”)